President Donald “Deal or No Deal” Trump, the only man to look at a conflict zone and think, “Hmm, that’d make a lovely office park,” is now strutting down the global stage under the freshly minted title “Broker of Peace”—a pivot as seamless as one of his Trump-branded hotels.
Let’s get the record straight, because he sure won’t stop tweeting until we all believe it: he’s not just looking for conflicts to resolve—he’s marketing them. From a phone call that magically ended a Cambodian-Thai border scrap, to the TRIPP mega-deal that might get blocked by annoying things like sovereignty, he’s closing deals faster than you can say “Nobel committee, take notice.”
Real estate was his first love—bargains, blueprints, “best deal anywhere”—and now peace treaties are just another property to flip with flair. Forget Brussels: here come railroads, pipelines, fibre optics, all under the Trump route to peace! Who needs peace when you can have a peace route rebranded like a luxury condo development?
Then came the Nobel attention-grab: One nomination from Netanyahu for the Abraham Accords? Check. One from Cambodia for a hastily brokered truce? Check. One implied deal-broker from a transit pact in the Caucasus? Check, with sparkle. And the White House proudly claims one peace deal per month, which sounds like weekly trips to Tiffany’s, if the “product” is end-of-war headlines.
It’s golden.
But don’t take it on face value—journalists and analysts have raised eyebrows over the substance behind the flash. One scathing critique calls his diplomacy a “make-peace-or-else” manoeuvre, more tribute collection than trust-building. Emotional depth? Institutional follow-through? As fictional as his humility.
Still, our lustful Noble for Nobel seems unfazed. After all, plutonium may decay—but narcissism? Everlasting.
“Thank You for your attention to this matter”
